मुंबई

Melancholy in Bandra

I got out of my house when I was 17, to make my own money, to work with people. I had no idea of how the world worked, how a bus system in a city worked, how you deal with money. To date, I can’t handle cash when it’s in my wallet. So, I just use UPI, I can’t handle physical money at all. I still remember the day, when I was excited to leave for the internship, but I was crying while I was in a rickshaw at the Railway station. Now, I don’t feel like living at my parent’s house. I feel my thoughts and writing become better when I am away alone and getting slapped by problems right on the face brutally. I am learning, how it takes a lot to prove your worth to a city and make the city feel like you’re one of its children.

Everyone in my family was always excited about Mumbai. The high-rise skyscrapers, the old classic buildings at CSMT, and the crowded streets. It really felt like if we came here with a dream, our dreams would come true as well. Whenever I went to Mumbai as a kid, I never dreamt of living there or anything, nor did I dream about having a dream of my own, putting it in a sack, and moving to Mumbai. It wasn’t so hard for me to focus on one thing back then.

We used to travel to Mumbai every year for Diwali at our relative’s place. Diwali was probably just a reason for my parents to go around in Mumbai. Especially my dad, he’d go crazy once he went to Mumbai. Even for me the excitement and energy were always high when we’d book 4 Sleeper Tickets from SUR - CSMT by Sidhheshwar Express. Once a year, was a good time, I’d ask for new clothes, probably a new watch or pair of new shoes.

Those days, I was a blind mind – meaning, I did not know how to see a city, I was blind to and by perspective, I just knew how to see but had no skill at observing. I saw Chembur, CSMT, and a few other big places where my dad would take me. There was a commonplace every year “Jahangir Art Gallery”. We’d go there every year, no matter what.

It was a simple trip every year, waking up at 7 or 8 in the morning, bath, getting ready, and set out to Chembur Station. Take a local to CSMT and by 9 the wild walking would start. I barely felt tired. Me and my dad would walk from CSMT Station to Gateway of India. It was a fun walk. The goal for him was simple, just do street shopping and buy items that looked fancy, and aesthetic for his own little 1BHK in Solapur. He’d do shop wild. I am serious when I say it because it was mostly cheap. I never cared about what he bought, it’s simple, why do I care when it’s not my money right? I’d just gaze around to places and try to find if I could get something fancy for myself.

Back then, I was high on football and football players. In class, we were a couple of boys who loved football a lot and I really wanted to pursue it as a career for some time. We had made a book for something crazy. If you open the last page, you’ll notice that it is the sports section. I’d eagerly wait if there was any Football star getting covered. At night after studies, I’d take the newspaper, cut the player’s body, and stick it in the book. It was fun and we’d flex it the next day. But oftentimes, the cool guy turned out to be the one at whose home they used to have an English newspaper. Lokmat, Divya Marathi, or any other local newspaper really never covered International Football Players. In Mumbai, there used to be these road-side street fashion, cool-looking shops that had rubber wristbands that were very fancy, and the whole of Mumbai teenagers had them in their hands. In this aspect, I was fairly observant, I used to like looking fancy back then. I wanted to buy these, I had seen a very cool-looking red-white-black “EMINEM” band in my cousin brothers hand. When we went out to shop, I’d see and ask my dad to buy one for me. Then, I used to sit on the road and see if there were any football players’ names on it. Initially, my dad used to think that my obsession was mine was just a walk towards being a “Chhapri” because he was a reputed govt teacher. I cared, but I ended up getting them. They were dirt cheap back then, max-to-max 50rs for one. Every time I go, I’d pick a different one, if I remember correctly I started by wearing the band with David Beckham’s name on it. The legend himself, it felt very cool, no kidding. I’d feel crazy ass good when I wore them. Later, at Haji Ali Dargah, I got a Messi and Neymar Jr. band too. I’d hide all three of them in my pencil holder, take them to school and show other kids in my classroom.

In my childhood, Mumbai was very fashionable, or maybe teenagers were fashionable only in Chembur or the areas I had seen. An “NYC” or “Linkin Park” cap with a straight curve on the front, raised even higher than the head was what looked very cool to me. Wristbands were enough, hence I’d just see and admire those guys. A cap, locket, or a cool t-shirt like them was what I always hesitated to ask because my dad was a respected govt teacher. I really loved styling and looking fashionable back then. When I was in 7th std, I had got these cheap Canvas shoes with white laces on them. They really looked cool. After school, I’d sit, unlace the shoe, and watch YouTube videos about “How to style your canvases/vans”. No one was going to look at my laces obviously, but it was just simple, that 13-year-old wanted to style his shoelaces like all those kids in America or NYC. Mumbai felt like a very cultured city. I experienced and used broadband/wifi first in Mumbai. I listened to Michael Jackson (I was probably 10/11 years old) and Blue Eyes (by Yo Yo Honey Singh) in 2013 for the first time in Mumbai. I discovered a whole lot of cool things there. I can see the Graffiti, if I think of it.

We’d walk for a long time, and eat nice vada pav or samosa pav on the way. My dad was always lucky, his son was never going to ask him for something fancy in a restaurant. Hence, a vada pav was always enough to fill me. There was this particular shop after Jahangir Art Gallery which used to sell very delicious vadapav. The reason, I liked eating there was because they made it very unique. In my hometown, the potato would be yellow because of turmeric, but that shop’s vada had all white potatoes inside it with just a slight touch of spices. I loved eating them, I’d often go for one vada pav and one samosa pav, and that’s it. Probably, what, 45rs of expense? And my tummy used to be full for 3 more hours of walking. There are drops of ink when I write all of this.

At the end, it was the mighty Gateway of India. My father used to take a lot of pictures there with me in the frame, it was nonsensical to me all the time. Back then, there used to be a shit lot of white tourists there. My dad was paying hefty money for my school which apparently had the name “International” in it. I was always a shy and introverted kid, but he’d press me and push me into talking with some random white tourist and get a picture with him. It was such a nonsense idea for me, all he wanted was just a picture and it did not make any sense at all. I did that once, but never after that. I proved to him that I could speak English and his money was not getting trashed. I also remember the day when we were returning to Solapur and it was a super crowded day at Chembur station. While getting into the loca everyone in the family had got inside, but I was left alone outside the local.

Gateway of India was done, we’d eat something there and then take a taxi to Masjid. Another cool and super crowded place. It was mostly electronics which he wanted to buy after that. Some Chinese dumb tech, some lights to decorate his house during festivals, and some hacky things which he liked. Masjid is such a cool place, to be honest, you can bargain anything and everything here till you have the skills. Crawford market felt like a reminiscence of Mumbai’s past to me. That cool name to a market felt very innate. The sun would officially set by now and we’d start back towards home by the evening with a couple of bags with all sorts of things inside them.

It was fun, I feel fresh now. After being homeless for almost 3-4 weeks, I’ll soon finally have a stable place for 2 months at least. I’m quite happy and excited about it. After all, it takes a lot of hard work to prove to the city that you’re worth everything for it. For some reason, I keep on watching “NYC Apartment Tour” on repeat from random YouTubers. I rented my first very own studio 1RK in Bangalore after quite some time of moving there. Whenever I’d talk with my mom over a call, I’d explicitly mention “my apartment” or “my home” all the time and she’d say “All you need is a wife now”. Recently, I once asked my mother and my friend about what’s more important, “Having a rich mindset first and then actually becoming rich or becoming rich first and then developing the rich mindset ?”.