Uncertain Thinking

a lot of fear, misery in my mind. Maybe I’m not scared of failing as a programmer but I’m more scared of failing as a programmer in front of others. A lot of times, I put myself in the dumbest possible manner in front of others. I am blank when someone asks me what do I do. I do write code (often), I understand technology, I understand some of linux and have been using it from years now. But, all of this is horizon which I can never touch.

At the moment, I might be doing the worst mistake of my life passively knowing about it. How do I put it. I have a very delusional image of myself. I wonder and think about when I’ll have a all green heat map on github. Maybe I’m shooting at an open blue sky thinking I’ll hunt some bird. Probably, I’m (or we are) chasing the horizon. I do not know what metric to measure, what questions to ask in this situation. I do try and fail making the person in front of me confused about myself and the whole thinking I do in my mind. Just like I always say, I might be on the line or crossing the line between thinking and overthinking.

There is a lot of uncertainty in my thinking or either a lot of thinking in uncertainty I possess.